This is a beautiful image of co-creation.
It is a beautiful symbol of healing and loving - for oneself and the other
and the magic that flows through
Two Mandalas. Two Beings. East and West
that form a Mandorla in the middle that unites as One.
(May 2010)
I have so many year end reflections to share most especially from this international peace camp I am at right now. But I don't want to end this beautiful year without sharing this co-creative experience with my beautiful artist colleague, friend, and love Russell. I just spent a beautiful Christmas with him and feel so inspired to share this.
You see, I am still on a journey as a wounded healer and artist. After ending a life changing experience with a traumatic relationship last year, I thought to myself, maybe I should really be a monk this year and not see anyone. I have never intended to open myself up with somebody again.
But some glitch in the fabric of time placed a unique gem as a gift across my path. This Jedi was thrown off course from his journey to this island where I have been trying to live peacefully on my own and lo he happens to be an admirably beautiful person bringing the world to oneness, someone working with mandalas just like I do, and someone learning the process of loving oneself and loving another like I do too.
We met mandalically through the 1Mandala Project when I responded to his open invitation to the world to co-create. It was uncanny to meet him personally while he was on vacation here with his previous lover as he has never planned to come all this way from Europe while on his cycling journey. Personally meeting him during a mandala workshop and a dance with a big interfaith community here was a nice way of crossing paths.Who knew what would happen then?
Since I was going through healing and he was still with a lover then when I met him 8 months ago, I didn't want to involve myself. But we all know we can only open up to love no matter the resistance for this is part of our nature. We are born out of love and we journey through this earth rediscovering this most beautiful word.
Yes too, perhaps as an artist, I have a natural curiosity to experience everything. Given the serendipitous synchronicity that we share, we consciously started out as friends. We listened deeply to each other's wounds, to our healing process, to our dreams and fears. Oh my God, our dreams and fears! Opening up to him was really really scary. For the past few months, we cultivated a deep friendship that is conscious of our coping patterns - how we dealt with ourselves, with our relationships with others, and how we dealt with each other.I realized men have a lot of emotional struggles too. They are vulnerable just like women.
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| Sagada! (June 2010) |
And then there were the cultural differences to go through - language, culture, even ways of being. (this is a long story! so maybe I can talk about this sometime in the future :-))
And yes, going back to my own healing process. Having real and honest communication with him was so important. I value that so much. I learned about being able to speak up too about my fears and needs. He says he is healing from this process too. And we give each other space when needed. We listen deeply. These are important. We are learning to respect each other's journey and to be happy to walk alone or together.
Most importantly, as a seeker on a spiritual path, I am conscious of cultivating my spirit as I grow and learn from this special affinity. I mean, I can totally choose to live in peace alone if I decide to do that. But again, we all evolve through our interaction with the people we are most intimate with.
I am learning about how my own attunement to myself helps me in co-creating with another, especially if it involves more of my heart and my soul. .
I believe though, healing or already healed, enlightening or enlightened - we all don't get to attune all the time. I believe that this process of aligning within requires mindful and conscious being and becoming. Many times I catch myself unconsciously interacting with my wounds and fears and I end up not communicating well and act out of attachment or fear of losing the other. And when I catch myself, I remind myself to honor this; that it is ok, and I flow until I reach a point of equanimity. It is ok to be vulnerable and afraid to love for this opens us up to the life changing experience of transformation. This opens us up to evolution. But important here is to be wise and aware when I know when it is not safe, when I know I am repeating a pattern, when I know I will not grow from it.
I then consciously pick up from the state of disconnect and connect back to the moment of being with myself. Being fully present with myself - my body, my emotions, my spirit. Having someone support that and hold your hand as you go through it is healing. In the end, we cannot heal alone. This process eventually opens me up to the joyous experience of co-creating, to the beautiful experience of now.
There's so much to say. I am learning too what I want in someone to walk with. There's really no certainty what happens next. It could be a continuous walk, it could be a parting of ways. This is a uniquely beautiful journey of the unknown. I am learning. This is life! This is the journey!
For now, just for now, I am just grateful for our beautiful co-creative artistic energies together. It has sure been a crazy beautiful year with my Oneness Jedi.
Love is a gift.
We are all love, lover, beloved.
*** Russ and I have worked on mandalas together with others these past few months.We have an upcoming project working on a Oneness Social Action for the 1Mandala project. We will be facilitating a mandala making activity and movie with teachers and students of the Guinaang Elementary School in the Mountain Province. This is supported by a globally orchestrated library development and enrichment for the school. Check it out through this link - www.1mandala.org/1Actions
