So It Is, I'm a Spiritual Creative on an Integral Life Path.And the current trailmarker on this path is study a Masters Course in Expressive Arts for Conflict Transformation and Peacebuilding.
It was mid-May this year when I received my official tuition scholarship for my Masters at the European Graduate School in Switzerland.
Its now June and it took me weeks to finally start asking.
I just emerged from weeks of emptying and life path discernment.
Do I really want this?
I mean, I applied for this. My career path is taking shape now and the universe is helping me sift through my gifts and help me see clearly what I really want to do.
But I also wanted to just have a simple life, doing permaculture, farming, experimenting on natural painting materials, and explore spirit singing further. I was tempted to just focus on these dreams while reflecting. I would say these are simple ways of living because it won't require the stress of fundraising and work in conflict affected communities.
But It was my experience in Bacolod with the youth of OK Negros last week that got me thinking twice. Negros, originally known by natives as Buglas, is a province in the Visayas named by the Spanish Colonizers after the dark skinned indigenous peoples the Spanish colonizers). Protect CIAC (Philippine Coalition for the Protection of Children in Armed Conflict) through the colorful energies of Marco Puzon and funding support from OPAPP (Office of the Presidential Adviser on the Peace Process) invited me to teach about mandala making for their life skills training workshop of 50+ youths from around Negros. These young people are learning about children's rights and protection while learning about life skills (career decisions, adolescent reproductive health, among others).
Through artmaking I was able to facilitate important interior life skills - self reflection, emotional literacy and expression, balance, harmony, visioning, and empowerment through symbol making through Mandalas. We also made a mini ojo de dios that we transformed into a personal power amulet necklace armed with their commitment to learn and protect children in their communities by learning and embodying children's rights written as tassels on the beautiful yarn mandala.
I realized this, working for peace through artmaking is always a passion.I cannot show pictures of the children to protect their identities because of the sensitivity of the nature of their personal background. But if I could show photos of these young people, they show much of my innocent dreamer self when I was 16 when my father encouraged me to apply for a social sciences course instead of a fine arts course for my university applications. Becoming an artist will not give me a career or salary as popular opinion says. I wanted to change the world so I was alright with taking art lessons on the side... but now its time for these two intentions to come together.
After the workshop, I escaped on my own on a 4 hour bus ride to Danjungan Island, a wonderful marine sanctuary with 5 lagoons and hundreds of species from a white eagle to a bat to a tiny shark. It is only marketed by word of mouth so its not so popular. But boy, a secret place is indeed a magical place. It was wonderful to be with nature and to reflect on the next phase of my life.
It was scary though. There's this love-hate relationship I have with the ocean. Its me and the unknown. Its me sensitive to energies around me in my waking life that I've always been jumpy all my life. So I like living in dreams with deep messages instead for its safer and mostly receptive. Becoming an active participant in my own dream manifestation is like swimming into the ocean further from the shore.
People who venture the unknown often scare me. I am currently reflecting on whether to continue a relationship right now with someone who seems to be just experimenting on how far love can go and somehow I feel he is losing presence on just loving. I'm not much of a risk taker as people think I am. I can dream yes and I let the dream unfold and manifest in miracles and magic. I don't break walls or walk on fire to see if there's something to be revealed. I feel too many lifetimes and present life experiences can attest to already knowing what the outcome is. As teachers say, its time to end the cycle and evolve.
Back at the island, I let myself swim further and touch the caves and rocks beside the island. I asked to be left alone by the guide so I can record a spirit song while on water with the waves lapping on the rocks. Even if I could hear my breath shake with the most familiar tone of fear, I asked the sea... please help me. I don't want to be afraid of you. I want to be one with you.
And with the abundance opened possible windows for future collaborations as I had the luck of sharing a ride with the island's owner/foundation President. It was wonderful to have been able to talk about my life journey and to directly ask him for possible supporters for my fundraiser. That was my first brave step - to ask a wealthy person who can help, face to face.
It wasn't easy taking a step into the unknown. Sometimes it can lead to a dark corner.
I missed my flight to Manila the next day. From one abundance of connecting to a philantrophist, I had to pay off my abundance with an expensive lesson by donating the remaining of my workshop honorarium fee to Lucio Tan, the airline tycoon.
Talk about venturing out to the horizon but forgetting my inner compass.
So there I was at the curb of the airport parking lot giving myself a good cry.
How can I be 28 with no secure job and even a credit card? Sometimes I ask myself this when I am challenged with abundance.
The universe is really emptying me so abundance can flow in.
Many times earlier this month when my salary gets delayed from consultancy work as project manager, graphic designer, and module writer with 3 non-profits, my bank account would go zero.
And everytime it goes zero, something good always happens. The latest was a casual merienda meeting with a UNICEF senior executive about my art projects, or an invitation to design an inner ecology module for an environmental non-profit which I've always wanted to do, or an additional donation to a finished project I did 4 months ago.
Abundance is something I am deeply reflecting on right now. Deep in the ocean is a wealth of natural resources and diversity which we cannot see without diving in... without experiencing by swimming.
I was born from a middle class family with the blessings of simple but somehow above average life. My father in his industry and virtue lives a simple life even if he has the top credentials working for international organizations as an environmental consultant. It is only lately that I am grateful for my his humility and practical abundance. He just bought a new townhouse that looked like a simple apartment but when you go inside you can see beautiful furnishings that how it looked up front could have deceived you. Growing up, I would only receive my allowance in exchange for house chores on weekends when the housekeepers were on their days off. When I was a teenager, he would given an ample amount for quality running shoes but if I wanted expensive designer ones, I need to raise the extra funds on my own. He is teaching me so many things that I am only becoming grateful for lately.
Quitting my regular job to become an artist and to do freelance project management was a challenge for my father. I was venturing into the unknown. I didnt know that you need to have more than regular savings while doing this for funds can get delayed as what happened last year that wiped out my savings. So I'm grateful that he was there to help in emergencies even if I need to pay him back either through some editing or design work for his reports. This encourages me to become more and more independent and to someday give back to him.
My mother on the other hand grew up with affluence from a landed family and is up to now challenged in funds management on her own. But she also teaches me to live for the now and that the universe will bless you because of your faith.
I am not rich but I am wealthy if I harmonize these two poles of abundance. We might not have the luxury of a posh suburban house but my parents own three farms for me and my siblings to inherit... but most of all , the wealth of lessons from independence, virtue, humility, trust and faith.
...and love! My sister asked her boyfriend to donate and he was my first donor. My brother and his fiancee are donating too! My siblings are well-off than I am now and I am grateful for their love. My auntie and cousins are helping out too. This is getting me closer to my family than ever before.
So I am venturing into the unknown with my savings wiped out from freelance work and limited pay as artist but I am swaddled with an abundance of life lessons.
Am I really worth this?
For the last 8 years I promoted causes for peace, environment, and cultural heritage. But it has not been easy to promote myself. If I have been doing campaigns and communication for development it would have been such a breeze right? But no, I had to go through an emptying process of rediscovering my true worth and value these past few weeks.So that experience in Bacolod helped me see this intention.
Its beautiful how time with the expanse and vastness of the ocean can open up lessons on abundance. Here are important ones I keep as reminder as I officially launch my fundraiser today.
Energy Exchange. I learned energy exchange through reiki practice. It is encouraged to transfer and exchange energies whether through monetary or in kind forms to allow the continuing flow of energy.
Accepting gifts help others share them. This is an important challenge for me to overcome for I am challenged in asking but it allows the flow of energies for others to be able to open their hearts to others.
Asking is about Humility. My friend Agnes reminded me this as I shared about my struggles with asking for help. It means accepting that we cannot do anything alone. I also believe there are greater forces at work that help push you to the right situations to manifest to your life intention.
Its not all about me. But me as a medium and channel for good. Sometimes I forget this. One thing I learned from singing is that when you sing with effort and conscious of what others think, you can only go on a certain vocal range mostly up to throat level... but when you sing with freedom, you can reach the highest notes with your head tone.
Lastly...
The universe is abundant and only if I vibrate the same energy of my intentions, I will always attract it.
So!
If you deeply resonate with my journey, this human mermaid is inviting you to share blessings and gifts through my fundraiser.Click on the image to start sharing :-)
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