My Feet as Compass

When we walk like (we are running), we print anxiety and sorrow on the earth. We have to walk in a way that we only print peace and serenity on the earth... Be aware of the contact between your feet and the earth. Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh ~

Two weeks ago, I joined the 3rd Kapwa Conference. It was an international gathering and symposium for Schools of Living Traditions and an academic conference on indigenous knowledge, systems, and practices. This was held at Baguio City, Philippines from June 25-July 2. 

The view from my apartment facing the Alpine Glaciers from last year's summer program (L)
The beautiful Baguio horizon, pine trees, plus freezing hands and feet (uncaptured) (R) 

Upon arriving, I immediately got the cosmic joke - I was in a parallel dimension! There are important reasons behind why I was in a gathering of indigenous elders, wisdom and culture bearers, artists, and healers and not in my Graduate School's campus on the Alpine mountains for the 2nd year of my Masters summer program. I am in the process of outlining them out for formal purposes (updating my donors and supporters for one) but the pine trees and the freezing mountain weather were enough to remind me about my true intentions for being where I was and not somewhere else. Knitted mittens, layered clothing; pine trees; and staying at a European styled apartelle were enough to tell me there is no difference: both places taught about transformation inside the earth, heart, and art school - only that its taught by ancient wisdom bearers 6 hours ahead and probably hundreds of feet lower in altitude. 

On the last day of the conference, a gathering of organizers, volunteers, and guests took place at the house of one of the conference co-founders- the amazingly inspiring Katrin de Guia. An inspiring speaker and advocate of indigenous knowledge applied in expressive arts therapy Mila Anugluan- Coger led a circle of dreamweaving as we shared our reflections together. Looking back, it was healing for me to participate in this circle and interact with her as she is taking her Ph.D in Expressive Arts Therapy at Lesley University where most of my professors at the European Graduate School teach too. So it also felt that I was still in the same classroom up in Switzerland despite that I was really thousands of miles away. 

Together as a circle, we did some toning and came up with a beautiful spirit song which I recorded for us to remember by. 






Escaping to a garden outside the house, I spent some time to put into words what I experienced. I ended up finding a perfectly shaped circle blister on my left foot and drew a red simple mandalic flower sun design around it. Perhaps it was truly what "embodied knowing," an indigenous wisdom in practice, truly meant. The sacred most often speaks in symbols first then it is our human gifts that shape them into language, culture, and meaning. I honor the sacred wisdom the unspoken is "trying to say." Maybe I'll let my feet do the talking :-)

To this day, I am still listening on how to put my reflections and learnings to share together. This is starting to become more of a normal process for me after a deeply moving experience. It's not about being with more than 30 tribes from all over my country and around the world that dumbfounded me but its about how our shared humanity and shared divinity reflected through the universal yet uniquely expressed symbols, myths, metaphor and  wisdom continue to reveal themselves in my thoughts and interactions with nature, conversations, places up to now. In short, its speaking to me in so many levels particularly about how and where my life-work will take shape. Maybe that's what the message of the circular blister on my left foot is about. I'm still boggled as to why my right foot doesn't have one as I was wearing a matched pair of hiking sandals the whole time. Interestingly, my left foot bears my  only birthmark: some brown freckled speckles sprinkled across my foot. Perhaps this is a mythological Achilles heel story that I have yet to discover.

Time is also a factor for the sharing while I balance my commitments with packing (or rather unpacking as I'm letting go of so many things and attachments (materially and metaphorically) for Maia Earth Village. I have to finish a temp job for a bilateral aid program to support me financially. Most urgently, I am preparing for a presentation and an interactive art installation on art and peacebuilding for an upcoming 11th ASEFUAN Annual Academic Conference and General Meeting on Conflict Transformation and Peaceful Settlement of Disputes in Asia and Europe in August.

So for now, I'm sharing photos of my beautiful experience through this Facebook Album: Kapwa Dreamweaving and this beautiful video of Maria Oyog Todi, a T'boli elder and culture bearer guiding me and a Japanese guest on how to dance their dance. The T'bolis were one of the first indigenous groups that inspired me about the sacred process of artmaking. Weavers wait for a dream to guide them on a design to be woven on their Tinalak cloth. Thus, they are called "Dreamweavers." 

Maybe the feet's message was made for dancing first! More deep reflections to come. 

The Peace of I: Zero as Circle

 The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes from within the souls of men when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells Wakan-Tanka, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us. This is the real peace, and the others are but reflections of this. The second peace is that which is made between two individuals, and the third is that which is made between two nations. But above all you should understand that there can never be peace between nations until there is first known that true peace which is within the souls of men." - Black Elk                                                                        

Since this will be the first of a series of eartheart reflections called The Peace of I,  I started with a quote that talks about the first peace. I love this Native American wisdom and the cosmology of all indigenous belief systems around the world that sees the circle that connects all life to the self and the self to all of life. I feel so blessed having met a lot of mentors and guides from around the world who are guided by indigenous wisdom and practice. Words are not enough.

I walked around town today in a beautiful skirt with blemishes all over my legs from mosquitos and sandflies in Palawan and fresh break outs from emotional and partial raw food detox and PMS. And no matter how everything is chaotic outside, inside me is this lush of green plants sprouting from my heart. Just today, I couldn't wait to leap out of the jeepney and run home to dance under the rain when the sky broke loose this afternoon.

My room is still a mess and I have finally accepted that it will never be clean anymore until the last box is packed and shipped to Maia next week. Being with a lot of discomfort and emotional purging these last month in Manila was an invitation to mindfully discern what cleaning really truly means.

Palawan : As Above, So Below

On my plane on way back to Manila from 2 months in Mindanao and Palawan, I leafed through the first few pages of the book Zero Limits by Joe Vitale and Hew Len. It's interesting thinking that with all these years hearing about this book and the Ho'oponopono philosophy and practice, this book will find me or I, it at Maia's library. Unlike in my early twenties wherein I would scout for rare finds at used book stores, nowadays, I let a book find me. I'd love to believe that finding a perfect book is like a destined relationship between seeker and message bearer in alignment of perfect timing, just like opening a book randomly to read on a powerful message divinated just for you to read at that particular moment.

Had I read it before, I wouldn't have taken it with this much resonance.

I could swear that I was ready to die while reading it. My body was in a state of lightness that I could just merge with the clouds and surrender to heaven as if it was these cloud formations artists and seers have rendered as the eternal place after death. 

But that didn't prepare me for the deep cleanse that would take place next. 

Fast forward to a month of deep questioning and peeling of layers, the chaos inside me prompted me to look into how I show up as a peacemaker in my life. A friend of 10 years challenged me about my work in peacebuilding for the last 4 years. All ancient teachings, religious and spiritual traditions teach the essence of peace.  I should know this from my work in interfaith dialogue and sacred practices.

Yet, I still don't know. In the sense that knowing is wisdom in practice. 

I am in mindful awareness of the need to heal my wounds so I can fully forgive someone and this keeps me vulnerable to woundology, a state of being stuck in victim mentality as medical intuitive Carolyn Myss would put it. This paradox is an ongoing journey of embodying this beautiful Peace of I. The true knowing lies in the Wu-Wei, the practice of doing yet not doing in all conditions good or bad. 

A month later since, I feel I am now about to dock port from a ship that sailed me through the eye of the storm of purging experience of letting go and forgiveness work. At least, I'd love to believe, I am in my next destination or trailmarker after dancing with Venus as she transited around the sun yesterday.

I dug through my box of journals (God knows how I'm going to transfer this big box to Maia) to find my journal from June of 2004 when the last transit took place.

I found a small notebook that I wrapped with black cloth and hand painted with a moon and a flower. By the cover alone anyone could tell that this was one of my dark periods. I was 21 about to turn 22 by this time and I was working at a prestigious museum about to open its new building at the business district. I was still in love with this artist whom I chose to stop seeing the year before and weeks later he would invite me to his exhibit opening which I will end up not going to.@ I was writing down ideas for new paintings. I tried yoga asanas practice for the first time and I was going to turn a year old as vegetarian the next month. 

I found this in one of my entries and honestly felt this was the lightest writing so far. I don't even know if I wrote it anymore. It could be a quote that I copied from a book. But I remember the days I would climb up the roofdeck of the apartment building I lived alone in and stand up on the ledge to feel the breeze and write. Almost all of my entries in this journal wrote about the wind. 

The winds howl like the sea. I woke up as if I lived right next to the ocean. The leaves dance as the wind tickles them. They make such beautiful noise. I feel like I'm on a ship and I'm sitting on my balcony - above deck. Perhaps time travels faster when the clouds run- as if the earth spun at a faster rate - dancing. I want to dance with the wind. I'm beginning to think that where I live is not too bad after all. I stood up for around ten minutes and saw an almost perfect picture of the sunset with a block of square in the middle. But it was 11 minutes of God. I'm going to try my best to fight sadness - instead, I will make each day extra ordinary. 

On June 8, 2004 on the day of the first transit in our present generation,  I pasted a print out of Oriah Mountain Dreamer's well loved poem called "The Invitation." My friend Reena gave it to me. When I saw this the other day 8 years later to Venus' twin transit, it warmed my heart because I realized I was really this fragile and hopeless romantic person back then (I really hope no one gets to read these journals someday!). I read this poem as if I were speaking to a forever absent lover. 

It's beautiful how the video above accompanies the poem with the Buddhist mantra Om Mani Padme Hum that bows to the higher self.

On the eve of the recent Venus transit, I read this out loud and dedicated it to myself as a way of coming full circle from the first one and allowed myself to flow tears of liberation. On the morning of the transit, I found myself waking up from a dream of being with an abuser with my higher self intervening showing me my book of life about the spiral dance. I got up and lit a candle and let this float with a flower on a bowl of water in the middle of our stone mandala sacred space, cleaned the toilet mindfully, and took a loving beautiful shower. I dedicated these water blessings to the Lighting the Lights Ceremony by the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers who made a call for wisdom bearers around the world to hold a ceremony for water and Mother Earth through their WaterSongLine project. In the evening, I joined a Tibetan Buddhist ceremony with a visiting Karmapa and had my hair cut by him as part of my symbolic refuge to my own awakening. 

Walked around 3x around this stupa - like Mandala after the 17th Karmapa's lecture on the eve of the transit.

These rituals are just external things that helped remind me of the significance of my turning points within just like any other ritual that I have partaken in. Nothing about it is outside of myself. The symbols, the chants, the ecstatic experiences - they're there to help one connect my heart to the realm of all things. 

The other day, I looked at the mirror and for the first time, I stared deeply into my eyes and went inside the circle within the circle. I asked myself: "What do I really know about alchemy?"And hours after, a wise elder who was also a peaceworker from another part of the world whom I have never conversed with privately before messages me and asks me, "What is alchemy?" That same day, I had several synchronicities about shamanic plant medicine that connects one to other states and planes. It's interesting that I find these uncanny revelations very new every time it happens even if this has happened several times over the course of my life so far. 

The Peace of I, a state of Zero brings all these synchronicities about that bring one in alignment to one's sacred purpose or birth vision. I believe anyone can access this. We all have this beautiful capacity and potential to create magic and miracles in our lives. Conscious transformation is a process of clearing that takes place before this state can be reached. To the Ho'oponopono practice, its clearing with apology, gratitude, forgiveness, and love (I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank you, I Love You) to everyone and everything that takes place in one's awareness. These words are really the essence of all religions and sacred practices - love, compassion, forgiveness, transcendence, awakening, enlightenment, ascension. 

Most of the time we are focused on the envisioned state of bliss and enlightenment that we shun away all the negative experiences that take place on the road to this. It's how our society has created pill popping to muffle out illness, or strange behavior. We are so afraid of revealing our woundedness afraid of being judged that we forget to realize that illness is part of our body and spirit's way of clearing. Our body is so wonderfully perfect in all its functions that no quantum science can still fathom its extreme capacities and potentials. To encounter illness or states of dis-ease is part of the body's way of saying this is not really who you are so I will clean it out for you. To many medical intuitives, physical illnesses are a result of unaddressed emotional issues which they can see clearly in the parts of the body that need healing. Even beyond that is an astral or spiritual misalignment but that's an entirely different topic. The important thing is that awareness and acceptance that there is something that needs to be cleared and in the process honoring its dark, painful journey just as one would in a state of bliss. 

All shamans know this.

The shamanic processes bridge the seen and the unseen realms. To access this, all shamans undergo transformation, at least all the shamans and healers that I know of who really undergo death and rebirth (even the actual physical death). Their participation in the relationship between the seen and unseen and what they have control of and what they do not is true alchemy. I'm no shaman but all of us who consciously go through our own transformation and the bridging of what has been to what is yet to be are shamans in some way or another. 

Right now my process is this mindful moment to moment state of clearing of emotional baggages as I segreggate possessions to give away and to asses what is truly essential to keep. It's waking up everyday in a pile of boxes and old things or see another acne pop up with the inner knowing this is a beautiful part of my own alchemic transformation. I needed this affirmation to come from my own self saying, "I am in a perfect state right now." Seeing it as it is in deep observation helps prepare the way for clearing. At this point, this is where the alchemic process truly begins.

I want to end with sharing that I finally was able to finish the learning guide manual I was designing for Save the Children and Kids for Peace Foundation for Typhoon Sendong survivors a day before the transit. It was only fitting to wrap it up with the very first module I designed on children's coping and reactions based on the story of metamorphosis. Back then it was so impromptu as an interactive storytelling process that helped children identify feelings so I was not able to write it down. As a child I was always inspired by the book "Hope for the Flowers" by Tina Paulus and it was the first inspiration for this story. At the core, it is my own experience that brought it forth (Yes I am Yellow!). I have entitled it "The Magical Cocoon" and it tells the story of a caterpillar (whose name will be up to the children listening) who went to the unknown trusting the light s/he has within. The cocoon is that state of mixed emotions and disempowerment that take place after being displaced from a disaster. It can also be the evacuation center itself and uncertainty of how one's life can go back to normal. I still feel that it needs more tweaking but for now, its perfect as it is. Perhaps when I find the time, or when time finds me, I will really make an illustrated storybook out of it.

A small mandala I found by the Cagayan river during one of our site visits. This is the same river that swelled up and overflowed displacing hundreds of thousands and killing more than a thousand people along the Cagayan and Iligan Rivers last December 2011. 

I dedicate this to Bane Agbon and the ChildHeal Facilitators of Kids for Peace Foundation who invited me to share my learnings and ideas about integral well-being, expressive and transformative arts to their project with Save the Children. Up to now, I still cary this guilt that I could have done better or I could have just forced myself.  It was a long process of self forgiveness after I wrapped up my contract early as consultant and battled with my deadlines that I so often missed. I realized, I couldn't work in a large INGO system with fast paced demands requiring the delivery of many key messages in a very short time in a mass produced scale. I have deep respect and appreciation for the staff for their dedication because they still did what was needed to be done with thousands of children in immediate need. I realized I was knee deep in my inner work process too be healthy enough to dive in to the heavy demands of their work and this caused my burn out. Was I too idealistic to integrate whole systems approach in a process that just needed one aspect addressed immediately? I still wonder. But right now, I am just so grateful for all the learnings that I realized about my idealism and about simplicity. Tailor fitting my crazy art ideas that were adapted from my work with small communities into a limited time table, materials, manpower, and energy - not to mention more than two thousand children was not easy for a first timer in a major post emergency situation. It was totally different from our arts relief work with Typhoon Ondoy as I was merely working as volunteer artist. This time, the task to oversee the entire design of the modules and its implementation with an integral well-being framework became overwhelming with the intensive requirements of the funders. I sincerely appreciate all the patience and trust this organization has given me. I still hope I can learn from this further and maybe prepare much better in the future for this kind of work. 

Kids for Peace Foundation is a non-profit founded by Rosan Aliya Agbon who was 12 years old during an all out war in 2000 by the Philippine Government against the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. It was her dedication to bring children's voices in times of conflict that continue to inspire me and many leaders in our work for peace. I was introduced to their organization after the Lights for Peace ritual I co-created with artist friends and 400 interfaith public school children for the resumption of the Peace Talks between the Philippine Government and the MILF last year. 

Tapping the Creative Life Force for the New Year

*I dedicate this post to all the Babaylan angels who have guided me on my healing journey last year

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I closed 2010 with a meditative sunset experience on top of a retreat center in Antipolo where I was asked to document stories and rituals and facilitate art activities during an interfaith peace camp. As I was hiking up the hill in a hurry not to get caught in the dark forest on the way up, I saw the sun setting and realized it was the last sun of the year. Immediately, I left my backpack of fresh new clothes from the city on the ground and walked toward a tree with an awesome view of a cloud formation in the sky that gathered a large circle of light. It was a beautiful experience to see the horizon in orange and red as it blanketed above the urban landscape. Moved by the experience of saying goodbye to my challenging healing year, I just felt I needed to sing to the sun. I offered a spirit song to the sun for having graced me and all with life. It was a good year of healing and love.

That evening, I was spending a great time with the young Filipino and European peace campers singing and playing games for the year ender when I still felt the urge to have space and continue singing. Sneaking out, I went back to the sunset tree and this time sang to the moon, sang with all the fireworks from the city that could never reach the sky. I felt nostaligic saying goodbye to my roller coaster year. While singing, I felt there was something stirring inside me that was not just my own doing. There was this strong weaving experience flowing some hums and hymns with my breath. I knew I was not alone.

This deep connection continued as I took part in a private Talaandig ritual with the young indigenous tribe peace campers while the rest of the youth and the staff headed up the roofdeck to watch the city fireworks at the strike of midnight. The ritual started at 11:45 pm and ended at past 12 to bridge the old year and the new year. I was honored to witness the mandalic offering of betel nuts wrapped in leaves and special paste to Apo Magbabaya (God of the Talaandigs) and the partaking of it afterwards along with voicing out intentions for the year to let Apo and the spirits help manifest them.

The next day, the first day of the year 2011, I spent the day on my own in silence. I decided to make my own ritual. Awake with bright eyes, I was ready to take on the day with a pack of 7 colored candles along with my "vision board" flipbook, art materials, and a good playlist on my mp3 player. It was not long until I disappeared into the beautiful landscaped meditation areas around the retreat center.

I found a bonfire pit where I layed out a simple mandala of flowers and leaves and lighted my rainbow candles around for my intentions (purple for spirit, pink for love, blue for peace, green for money, red for health, yellow for intelligence, and orange for career). I did this meditation and visioning ritual on 11:11 am, 1:11 pm, and 3:33 pm to connect to the good energies of these sacred timings. Oh yes, I also sang with the trees. There again, I felt the moving force of the spirits flowing through me.

Later in the day I did a fruit fast and made a mandala for my new year. It was inspired by my intentions to deepen my understanding and practice of indigenous wisdom and sacred art forms (represented by the local symbols and patterns), to heal and love myself and someone consciously and deeply (the flowers and the open heart and hands), and to polish plans for my backpacking art journey around the world (represented by the four eyes and the directions (North, East, West, South) and four elements (Air, Water, Fire, Earth) of the Earth.)

There was so much beautiful energy in making my intentions for the year that this carried on over the next few days together with the beautiful experiences of interfaith and indigenous rituals and storytelling that took place during the peace camp. Something really opened within me. It was as if I was ready to "to break open or openly break" (a favorite line from a favorite poem entitled This is a Diamond by Em Claire). I started doing my own inner dance meditations at the hidden bamboo groves during workshop breaks and I continued watching the sunsets and the evening stars in my solitude.  I believe something greater was at work. It was as if I felt I was my future granddaughter watching myself as I saw my shadow dancing among the smooth rocks around the trees.After about 30 minutes into dancing, I sat down and gave myself a good cry.

As if it was divine timing, I joined the young people with a beautiful Sufi song and dance to close the weeklong camp on January 5. After having a sunset conversation over the phone with my love Russ at the balcony, I had a conversation about living and learning indigenous wisdom with the Talaandigs in Bukidnon with Bae Liza, a woman elder from the Talaandig tribe. It was beautiful watching the sun setting with her in her full traditional garb. The sun and the moon met as I left the retreat center braving the dark forest to send off a surprise gift to Russ at the bus station. I was a little sad I couldn't make it to Sagada on time for his birthday the next day because of practical things. I also honored where I was on my own sacred journey as a woman, an artist, a healer, and a teacher in the making. I am grateful that we have space for each other for these important matters.

I am now writing here in my room at Bahay GINHAWA, a non profit promoting creative and spiritual transformative therapies and workshops, where I have settled as a transient and some sort of resident artist on January 1 last year to undergo healing and transition from unprocessed trauma. Now a year has passed and I can say I am an entirely different woman in some way or another. I am still in that sacred mode from the new year as I continue to do deep meditation, dancing and fruit fasting. I can truly say I have been blessed with the Babaylan spirits and angels that have given me guidance, sacred art, space and opportunities to channel, share, and most of all learn about my evolving purpose on earth.

I look forward to more life enriching experiences this year!

do we make art or does art make us?

visual journaling 2005

 

Mastering a skill is a journey and a beautiful process of learning. And wow it is full of surprises too.

Last Saturday, I was invited to facilitate an art workshop with Children International with very little time to prepare a module as I was also cramming for a peace campaign with a series of public events with only two eyes, two hands, one brain, and a 3 year old laptop about to fall apart. And well, the organizer and I also only had a chance to get in touch the day before the workshop.


The night before, I was still totally unprepared, half knowing and trusting I would eventually know as we go along. I only knew that these were young adults 12 to 18 years old who are the best artists from their class and that I was supposed to help them enhance their artistic skills in preparation for an art competition.

But...
How do you teach art to those who already know how to do art?



But then again, who knows exactly how one does art anyway?


Do we make art or does art make us?

My recent experience revealed this primal streak about art making..

So at first I thought, I should prepare a slide show of paintings by local and international master artists to give them an idea of the many ways we can express and perceive reality through visual art.


Then I hesitated.

It would be so wrong to give them a fixed idea of what "art" is. . I should know because I was brought up learning art this way - that if you can copy reality, you are a master artist. I should know because I worked at a museum for 3 years and co-designed studio art workshops (drawing, painting, etc.) with artist facilitators. I should know after heading an art organization of the university art gallery, that if you can be audacious and avante garde, or that if you can pretend something is not obvious but really obvious, then it is what is considered art.

Of course, these are all art.I am always trying to be conscious of not hating western art and museums. The long history of how art has evolved from its place in the daily lives of people into a museum has its own beauty and creativity to honor.But I guess this is not the way I see art now; or rather now how art is just supposed to be. I would rather think that we also need to remember and validate the need of experiencing art and creativity from the inner depths of our consciousness and our immediate understanding of being in the world around us.


Maybe it was the school system, maybe popular culture, maybe it was the museums, maybe the unaware parents who sent children to art workshops to tide them over during vacation, maybe it is a growing culture of enchantment with too much lights, skin, and glamour up on the billboards on the streets. I don't know.



These young people were good. They knew how to represent nature well through symbols, characters, designs, etc. It seemed they did not need me.

For a moment while introducing myself, I suddenly remembered when I was 16. As the class artist, I was asked by my classmates to join an on the spot drawing competition. Right in the middle of the event, I stopped and decided not to pursue the competition for two main reasons. First I felt embarrassed because I saw that all the others were drawing the usual styles of student competitions - from abstract to realistic, to representation, etc.and it made me feel I should make the same kind of pieces. I actually felt that my style which I was still learning to discover might not fit with what the themed competition wanted. Second, I just didn't feel right about doing art to compete and to create impromptu art on a time limit. Hmmmm...in hindsight now, I realized I just made an impromptu art piece by not doing art. Haha.



What does a teacher teach if not his/her own life experience? 

I have learned a lot about how I was taught and saw it as an important intention to facilitate art the way I wanted to experience and learn art and my creative potential.


Because I am on an integral path in my life work, I make sure I emphasize the head, heart, and hands in module writing.  I engaged them through a discussion in understanding how we embody our visions and imagination by feeling them and actually make them, mold them, write them, draw them, sing them, and dance them.


Then we needed to get back to basics by exploring how we define things for this shapes how we create. What is art? What is creativity? We rooted back to creativity rooting back to the word creation which roots back to the word creator. And because there is a higher creator that created all including ourselves, we consider ourselves as co-creators.

a co-created mandala in mediation with children of bantayan island (April 2010)

Because it was environmentally themed, I wanted to reconnect them to the idea of art as creation and art found in all of nature - most especially within us. I asked them why indigenous peoples do not have a word for art or the environment.

I got a shocking answer: "Because they did not learn from the school."

As urbanites in a really poor community (a very far place off the main city) they have not probably glimpsed or experienced endless mountain ranges in the horizon nor a velvet night sky heavily beaded with stars. One girl eventually pointed out that it was because the indigenous peoples never felt separate from the environment that they had no word for it. I was just so happy she knew. I only learned this profound realization as a 23 year old! I told them even in art making, the original cultures created art for everyday life. I emphasized that true artists have deep connection with everything and never see things as separate from oneself, the artmaking process, and the artwork itself. 

quick, rough sketching of the ivory saints collection of Ayala Museum

What is an art workshop without art exercises?


I made sure we addressed the abovementioned fundamentals of being an artist before we ran through the basic elements of art to check if they were familiar with these. Since it was an art workshop to enhance skills in visual art, I ran through several drawing techniques such as the viewfinder grid style, developing perspectives, etc.


And then when I let that all go, all the magic came about.


It brought me shivers and great insight and gratitude that I was being guided as I connected the lessons together with life.After each 5-15 minute exercise, I did a feelings check and an exploration on what important life lessons these exercises revealed. We had very interesting insights from each activity.

• Non-dominant hand drawing play: 
• Unlearning is important in expanding ones mind and fertilizing imagination 
• That there are no rules in art making. The more we play, the more we create beautifully
• It is important to feel and express feelings in art making.. The artwork must invoke feelings too.
• As we play we realize there are many ways of seeing reality and this helps in creative problem solving.

• Using the Tonal Value scale (they told me they have not used this in school before)
• That there are many levels to things and not everything is black and white.

• Drawing one's hand from the right side of the brain using the non-dominant hand without looking but tracing the outline of the hand with the eye
• Art making requires self discipline 
• The artwork is also the process of art making itself 
• One of the students said that the artwork was ugly which led me to ask them how do they define beauty? There were several answers from which we realized that there are different contexts and perspectives in measuring beauty. One answer that struck me was how something that holds meaning to oneself is beautiful 
• Practicing this exercise everyday will help them master drawing naturally without thinking. 

• Exploring negative space drawing (This realization brought me shivers)
• That the true artist can make the invisible visible 
• Everything is connected - like energy fields among the spaces between things.
• The true artist is connected with his/her spirit.

• Symbol making through a mandala
• An artist uses symbols to represent meaning and reality 
• A symbol is powerful for it not only expresses meaning but invokes feelings and memory
• A mandala shows the connection of the self with others and the world around us just as an artists reconnects us to these levels of existence.

In closing the activity, I shared with them important insights based on spiritual art practices. I shared that visual journaling to document memories and intentions visually aids affirmations as it already manifests a big percentage of a a wish or intention. Being an artist is powerful.


We closed with a breathing prayer with reflections on gratitude and the intention of being genuine artists. A true artist grounds and connects with the spirit. The more we can master and be aware of our breath, the clearer we see and the more vivid we can communicate with our art.


Indeed it was a truly beautiful morning allowing myself to surrender to all these guidance. I mean, it wasn't a burning bush or automatic hand drawing but all these insights and exercises just synchronized itself organically as the exercises took place - the words I spoke, the insights revealed by the students just magically wove together.

As I continue to learn and allow, more and more I deepen my belief in the beautiful guidance that takes place only if we allow ourselves to empty and to surrender to the sacred process of how things manifest. If our intention is pure, then we channel clearly. This is an ongoing journey. I am learning with these young people. I am grateful to bear witness to this, how the universe is displaying its grand power in front of my eyes, or rather through us all. I am grateful.

an artist's prayer

AN ARTISTS PRAYER

O Great Creator,
We are gathered together in your name
That we may be of greater service to you
And to our fellows.
We offer ourselves to you as instruments.
We open ourselves to your creativity in our lives.
We surrender to you our old ideas.
We welcome your new and more expansive ideas.
We trust that you will lead us.
We trust that it is safe to follow you.
We know you created us and that creativity
Is your nature and our own.
We ask you to unfold our lives
According to your plan, not our low self-worth.
Help us to believe that it is not too late
And that we are not too small or too flawed
To be healed
By you and through each other and made whole.
Help us to love one another,
To nurture each others unfolding,
To encourage each others growth,
And understand each others fears.
Help us to know that we are not alone,
That we are loved and lovable.
Help us to create as an act of worship to you.

*Cameron, Julia, The Artists Way, New York: Putnams Sons, 1992
* Painting: Gaia by Dana Andersen 

spirit song sampler

Inspired by the liberating experience of performing in public last night during my creativity sharing for GINHAWA's fundraiser, I am moved to share my creative spirit further as I post this spirit song out to the world :-)


>>>click here to listen to my spirit songs

For the longest time I have always wanted to sing for the spirit through songs from the psalms, praises, gospels, devotional music, ghazals, mantras, bhajans, and kirtans. I have realized that one of my forms of prayer is singing. Every morning, as much as I can I start my morning ritual with either meditation, yoga, tai chi, journaling, or dancing. But there are days when I just feel compelled to just let my voice be a channel of gratitude and light.

One day, I discovered spirit singing after a week of depression. I was taking a shower and felt the healing power of water running through my body. I was moved by my spirit to just sing and flow. Facing the sun, I connected myself to the voices of my ancestors who sang to the great spirits of the mountains and the sky and to the voices of all other elders and spirit singers from different cultures (from celtic, to hindu, to sufi, to african, and others) and time who have deeply empowered me to claim this role too.

Even with my classical voice training and chorale membership through the years, I still feel I am in a new territory with this medium. I wanted to learn the melismatic voices of my elders but this requires going deeper to my roots and their permission through rituals. Insha'Allah maybe someday I can learn.

For this song, I felt that a mix of my classical training and a natural melismatic melody just moved me from within as energy from the source organically just flowed .... and it came with a beautiful vision.

Here's an old reflection on spirit singing inspired by the writings of Hazrat Inayat Khan.

I have been reflecting peacefully, and from time to time - restlessly about my spirit’s longing to sing. There are no words really that are fitting to describe how i feel about this reflection. I would have to, well, sing it. I have been lying on my bed in the dark earlier listening to the rain, strumming the guitar and just humming whatever sound comes out of my weary yet eager body. I was about to merge into a state of depression again so I had to catch myself and process myself with this post.

When I was young, my grandmother would bring me to church everyday. Sitting on the pews during a mass and singing with the choir almost always moves me in tears even as a grown up.

As I reflect now, I realized that my spiritual experiences are always rich with the beauty of sound weaving through prayers from different faiths, indigenous chants, mantras, bhajans, ghazal poetry, chorale music,the sound of a flute, the rhythm of drums, the heart of saints through an erhu or a violin, piano solos during dark existential moments, and beautiful songs by my favorite artists who sing with their spirits.

I have never been so conscious about this before. Sound is such an integral part of my spirit’s journey of awakening to my true self. I have been so wrapped up in my visual art and expression that I have almost forgotten how important this is to me.

With this reminder I realize that the first level to realizing my spirit song is the awareness of my breath and voice. In this rain with the beautiful Native American flute and drum music playing on my radio, I am guided to listen more inside.

And outside.

With this practice, I try to consciously listen and appreciate the motherly love from indigenous lullabies wafting through a CD, laugh with the giggles of children playing outside, pause to pray with the old man’s song about the spirit every morning through the bathroom wall, remember the heartbeat of a lover, acknowledge the calm my deep breath brings to my tired body, and meditate on the power of silence.

I learned this the hard way.

When I was 16, I ran away from a prestigious glee club audition just right before my turn to sing! I had the lowest self esteem even if I was a soprano. This pattern of fear has also allowed me to let someone blackmail me about my love for singing and crush my confidence. Whenever people are around, I try not to make my voice loud and sometimes I just settle for a hum of a tune even if I really wanted to sing. It’s funny that I can only sing with freedom after meditating alone in my room, when I’m taking a shower, or when I wash the dishes late at night when everyone is asleep.

I am still learning.

Through our spirits we source the breath of life. We breathe through our body and we create vibrations. Through our vibrations we manifest everything. Sufi musician Hazrat Inayat Khan talks about the natural law of vibrations and how they are affected by its source and medium.

“The reach of vibrations is according to the fineness of the plane of their starting-point. To speak more plainly, the word uttered by the lips can only reach the ears of the hearer; but the thought proceeding from the mind reaches far, shooting from mind to mind. The vibrations of mind are much stronger than those of words. The earnest feelings of one heart can pierce the heart of another; they speak in the silence, spreading out into the sphere, so that the very atmosphere of a person’s presence proclaims his thoughts and emotions. The vibrations of the soul are the most powerful and far-reaching, they run like an electric current from soul to soul.”

- The Mysticism of Sound 

The voice according to Hazrat Inayat Khan is the highest form of sound as it is natural, coming from the soul directly from breath.The spirit of my songs will always reflect how I see myself and my understanding of my soul. This I need to work on as I rediscover the true source that moves through me.

I am always moved by the sacred sound and energy of prayers, even the different names we call God in different traditions. The great insight here is that no language, culture, time, and even space can capture a sound. It can only be experienced and allowed to flow through. Only when the spirit and the body are clear and connected can the life force of the universe manifest through breath, vibration, voice, and sound.

As I deepen on this journey, I am learning that spirit singing cannot be forced. It only releases the highest notes beyond the lung and the throat towards a head tone once there is no fear or need to control. It only manifests with the purest intentions. It only moves you when the message and the instrument are connected to the sacred. Like the melismatic and angelic voices of indigenous elders, sufi singers, sopranos and tenors, it only flows note by note and never independent of each other. Even a staccato has a vibration in between, if you listen closely.

If I listen closely,

spirit singing

is when

the spirit,

the singer,

and the song

are always one.

***For Lola, for all the beautiful spirit songs I learned by heart because of you.

Blog Invocation

"Wonder into wonder existence opens." (Lao Tzu)  

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change" (Buddha)

"Art is a step in the Known toward the unknown." (Kahlil Gibran)

(painting by Kahlil Gibran)