I have been staring at the fresh, white, primed, and stretched canvas sitting on my easel at the foot of my bed for the past few days. The last time I (tried to) paint was last year. It has been a challenge to paint after someone you cared for slashes through your painting with a knife. It is even harder to paint your face if you are still emerging from a body disorder that made you think you were ugly for the past 15 years. Many of you do not know this about me. But it is alright to talk about this now. I am healing.
I can paint other things, but my spirit is set on painting myself now. Perhaps there's this affirming conscious vanity that artists undertake in making a self-portrait. Perhaps there this healing transformation that takes place as one affirms one's existence by making a mark on the canvas.
I have doodled on self portraits in my journal and I've played around with photoshop with my picture before but I've never done a painting of myself.
(playing around with a picture of a beautiful nebula with Photoshop (2004))
(a doodled self portrait on my journal in 2005)
(playing around with the web cam one inspired morning playing with the sun behind me :-) with neil young and the buddha in the background (2007))
Now is the time for it. The universe is calling.
Doing a self-portrait is not easy. You go through lots of sh*t like self hate, self doubt, and just pure, in the core melancholy.
But there's this beautiful part of self-reflection in painting your portrait. I start affirming the beauty in myself, the dreams I am made up of, and the future self that I wish to project and manifest through my painting. Just like many motivational seminars and books say, a vision board with images of the future that you want will help manifest your dreams and aspirations.
In my journey through art, visioning is a very powerful way of healing and alchemy. There is this bridge I create with my art between my inner and outer self; my fears and my loves; my weaknesses and my strengths; my spirit and my body; my true self and my acquired self; my past, present, and my future; my realities and my dreams; ...
and the list goes on....
I can paint other things, but my spirit is set on painting myself now. Perhaps there's this affirming conscious vanity that artists undertake in making a self-portrait. Perhaps there this healing transformation that takes place as one affirms one's existence by making a mark on the canvas.
I have doodled on self portraits in my journal and I've played around with photoshop with my picture before but I've never done a painting of myself.
(playing around with a picture of a beautiful nebula with Photoshop (2004))
(a doodled self portrait on my journal in 2005)
(playing around with the web cam one inspired morning playing with the sun behind me :-) with neil young and the buddha in the background (2007))
Now is the time for it. The universe is calling.
Doing a self-portrait is not easy. You go through lots of sh*t like self hate, self doubt, and just pure, in the core melancholy.
But there's this beautiful part of self-reflection in painting your portrait. I start affirming the beauty in myself, the dreams I am made up of, and the future self that I wish to project and manifest through my painting. Just like many motivational seminars and books say, a vision board with images of the future that you want will help manifest your dreams and aspirations.
In my journey through art, visioning is a very powerful way of healing and alchemy. There is this bridge I create with my art between my inner and outer self; my fears and my loves; my weaknesses and my strengths; my spirit and my body; my true self and my acquired self; my past, present, and my future; my realities and my dreams; ...
and the list goes on....
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