|What do you do with 19 years of love letters to yourself and to God? Had to deal with up more than 30 journals compiled since I was 11 as I let go of clutter and possessions while packing to move out of Metro Manila|
After 18 years of writing in my journal, sustaining the energy to pen in my thoughts and reflections has become a challenge. Because I have been postponing to write for months as I learn to get to know this new mode of communication, I had this growing need to express.
A shift in language is coming forth. There is this strange lull in my expression process. More and more I am conversing with myself in thought with a growing desire to talk to people directly rather than write. When I was most attuned, I used to converse with people in my dreams with matters they need to share and express to me. Lately, I am learning how immediate synchronicity with intention that manifests immediately in real time which required me to be more mindful and connected with my thoughts. Thus I spoke less and less and wrote less and less. They say the frequency of the time and space waves are making heaps of changes. I would say the same from the inner perspective.
I turned 30 last week. For two years, my life has undergone major earth quakes. A lot of clearing and sifting took place. This is a natural part of entering the 3rd decade as developmental psychologists and even clairvoyants would say. A Saturn Return as some astrologers would call it - a time of disintegration and integration. The great changes from my 28th year up to now was just really part of leaving my youth and entering adulthood.
I entered a big pause.
This pause led me to deeply reflect on my direction.
After sharing my energies to do arts relief for Typhoon Sendong survivors last January - March in Cagayan de Oro where thousands died and were displaced, I felt the burn out of non-profit work. I realized doing a heart-based process for an INGO like Save the Children took so much energy because of their fast paced and output based intensity. After working for 10 years with the non-profit world and losing all my savings in it, I realized I need to be able to sustain myself while I work for sustainability.
Many lessons also came forth after this wake up call. I chose not to go to Switzerland for the 2nd year of my Masters program because I felt the call of the earth in so many ways.
After Typhoon Sendong, learnings from years of working for the environmental movement surfaced again.
If I was focused on conflict and peacebuilding, how can I also share my energies in ecological healing and restoration. Most importantly, should there be a divide in my work in these two fields?
And then it dawned to me. The wisdom of the earth is calling for an integrative approach. What if my theory of change is how we see the earth’s reminder to look at how conflict is also rooted to how we see nature as resource or as source of identity? As resource, most conflicts look at it as a source of unlimited income or power - thus so much violence stems from resource based perspective on nature. As a manifestation of identity, it looks as land, water, minerals as ethnic identity, as nation - thus so much military bases are built, indigenous peoples' death in defense of sacred mountains, so many generations of wars because of fatherland motherland histories that have not been healed and are carried over again and again in new forms of conflict.There has to be some common ground, a common language the earth can heal and help people transcend... the common ground is the soil beneath us, our shared resources, our shared identity with the earth body. ......the environmental component in the peace agendas. I believe its the common ground that can unite all in transcending the barriers. The elements of the earth are the third space where people can dialogue and overcome.
While I ponder on these questions, I decided to move to an ecovillage in Palawan called Maia Earth Village. I wanted to see holistic and integral way of addressing transformation. I realized after all these years, I have been focused so much on the doing and less on the Knowing and Being. For now, the Earth is my school, my Masters degree is documenting and writing 10 years of modules and activities with my self, communities, leaders through artmaking. My intention to continue my Masters Degree is there but for now, essential life questions are needing to be looked at.
I have lots to share on how my journey from Switzerland has turned out. I went to Sri Lanka to undergo a training on interfaith education for children. I finally fulfilled the dream of doing art with UNICEF. I have shared presence with so many indigenous elders during a 492 year old peace pact reaffirmation and a School of Living Traditions conference on indigenous knowledge, systems, and practices. I shared my experience on art and peacebuilding for the Asia - Europe Alumni University forum on peacebuilding. I did lots and lots of mandalas and art as ritual spaces for indigenous wisdom gatherings and workshops.
I am coming full circle with my own inner peace while healing with my old childhood wounding. I am now facing a deep process while my mother undergoes her own healing from cervical cancer, an acquired condition from so many unhealed parts of herself as this has never been in my family's genetic history. It is becoming a purging and healing experience. So much life wisdom is flowing.
There’s so many stories to share especially the development of two projects - Project Rainbow and Green Relief Initiative. I will write more soon as soon as I’m done with my portfolio website.
This blog too will change its design and format. How it will look like and how the stories will be shared is still being observed in its highest potential.
Thank you so much for continuing to witness me in my life journey through this blog.