A Co-Creative Mandala for EARTHDANCE

Hi friends! I would like to invite you to a co-creative mandala making activity on Sunday, 25 September for this year's EarthDance. This mandala to be is inspired by the seed, flower, egg, and the tree of life.

After this, I've got 3 more mandala projects until December. One is with orphan children, another for puja/fire rituals, and a mandala workshop using the ancient Filipino script Baybayin with my Diwata friend Mini Gavino. There's also a possible mural project using Islamic and Christian mandalas. Reflecting on these schedules, this time, I asked for a name for the mandalic co-creations that I can use instead of just solely using my own. What was revealed was the word Diwa-Ta Mandala Co-Creations. This came because I asked about how one can represent and channel sacred and co-creative work. It is not primarily my work or creation. So with this new name, I continue to honor the co-creative process with the sacred, with fellow artists, people, and the earth that take place in creating beautiful sacred circles for ritual spaces, workshops, and expressive arts. There is deep meaning in the name and will blog more about it soon.

Donations to seedling exchange at P100 and P300 for reforestation seedlings help support the work of Earth Dance artists and performers in promoting eco-peace and cultural values in communities.

Here's the link to the facebook event:
https://www.facebook.com/?ref=hp#!/event.php?eid=150141005079692 

snippets from the alps

It's finally September today. 16 days to go until I turn 29.
Had a lot of silence latley. I've been having an intense relationship with my journal on a vision story.

I really want to share a lot about my learnings, adventures, questions, and most of all - ANSWERS from my fundraising, travels, studies, and encounters with new people lately.

To start with, here's a set of nice collage pages from my journal from my time in the Alps.

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a calling card from an ayurveda spa with a giant flower of life design on its windows! | a flower on my hair for elizabeth mckim and paolo knill's poetry performance | a swiss stamp for my 18 year old collection | a ticket to the local museum | one of my tickets for the cable car up on the alpine mountains (couldn't keep my glacier mountain top cable car ticket as it was given for free!!!)

some reflections during one of my morning walks | serendipity on a note given by a waiter which was left by someone on the table i sat on | an angel's feather or so i'd love to think it is (i believe it is) | a lavender strand i gently pick out from a lavender bush on the way to class from my apartment | a bird's wing found on a path after a meditative walk | a flower intertwined given by my little friend isabelle after we danced with the trees and the mountain spirits

War

I've been contemplating about this word a lot for the last 3 months.


And because of too much contemplation, I am at a loss for words.
I cannot move on to my intentions or dreams because I am stuck in this mode.

One very heavy reason for my silence is because I could not pretend I am ok with this word because I am a peace worker.

Wait, I'm tempted to rephrase that. That sounded right in my head but as a sentence it doesn't make sense.

But war doesn't make sense at all, right? This is why it is a source of so much loss and pain.

I just came from two wonderful experiences that are preparing me to form my life path as an artist and peace worker. I had my summer class in Switzerland for my Masters in Expressive Arts for Conflict Transformation and Peacebuilding and a recent trainors training in Sri Lanka on using a manual interfaith/intercultural ethics education for children.

I have so much plans, ideas, projects, modules, artworks to create! So many doors are open!

If you can imagine how prestigious and unique these experiences are, then you would assume I would be in so much bliss right now.

Sadly, I am stumped. Like I was stumped days after I arrived from Switzerland.

Nothing to say.
All I can think of is war.

So I will talk about war and why war has silenced me for awhile.
Maybe writing about it will help.

I am at a point in my life wherein I feel the extremes of the duality between male and female, east and west, colonizer and colonized, etc.

I broke up with a foreign partner last April because the relationship was so unhealthy it was sucking the life out of me. I told this person that I admitted that I was not ready for a relationship and that I was co-dependent to jump into another relationship after an abusive one before.

Even though this person broke my trust (oh he said Neale Donald Walsch said we shouldn't ask people to trust us because that means we expect something), I admitted to my own part of the problem.

That's co-creation right?

We are adults and we can admit our own mistakes in a situation. But the painful thing about it is that to him I had the freedom and choice to be in or leave the relationship and that he had no part of it. At least it was how it came out. It was as if the person had no role in the break up.

I really hated that. I was really angry at that. I was in rage inside me. I was experiencing war. I could destroy this person's image if I could, even file a police report if I could. And I could. I could do that. And that fact scares me. This fact made me feel what war was about. Revenge, anger. HATE.

What confuses and angers me more is that I am a peace worker who meditates, does yoga, tai-chi, teaches peace and dialogue... and I am capable of so much anger.

And this anger triggered so much anger from the past - at an ex for the physical abuse, angry at a foreigner who got a young friend pregnant and encouraged abortion...anger at my father for his lack of emotional connection... heck even anger at the entire colonial history of my country. I am angry at this person because to him nothing went wrong and that it was only me. I remember telling him that by denying he has no part in what happened, he just said just told the millions of women who suffered war, abuse, and violence that they were entirely responsible for what happened to them.



Exhale.

Truth is, I couldn't blog at all because I've been trying to be careful about what to write because I know people look up to me so much. I am on a spiritual path and I try to be integral in all that I do - my thoughts, words, and actions must be aligned.

But being human and being on a spiritual path isn't about repression and denial. During the training on ethics education for children, one of the bridging modules asked question, " What happens if we fail to respect one another?" This module helps children understand that this is part of the realities of the world which is why conflict happens. For me it means that it is important to be aware of all sides of our humanity. Including the parts that are not peaceful and that the journey to peace includes this part of the experience - understanding the divide.

Lately, I've been reflecting on why I am working with children and peace. Maybe it is the lost part of my childhood I am also healing. That part of me that was lost when my parents screamed at each other and broke up. Expressing how conflict is part of reality to children is very challenging. My heart tightened as I was explaining to the children in my street that they will no longer see my former partner whom they were asking about and were looking forward to seeing.

To live authentically and to embody this life path of peace worker and healer asks me to embrace my shadow and my pain and anger. After all, I believe we cannot hold a child's hand and walk towards peace if we do not know what we are talking about - if we have no experiences of transformation to draw from.

To tell you the truth, I've never been so stressed my entire life as I go through all this anger, loss. I've never had acne flare ups like this since high school. I've never been lost for words this way before nor lose touch with my inner compass.

I know I eventually have to let go of all this anger. I mean, there's so much in store for me that is a hundred times better than this numbing and life force leeching state.


One of the activities we did during the arts for peacebuilding class was to use a mask for expressive arts. The role assigned to me was to be WAR. Reaching out from this fresh experience of wounding, to be war to me was to be cold and to be blank. It definitely made me imagine what it was to be war. And the coldness helped me cry deep inside. Nobody could see me cry behind the mask. I cried because war can silence us and numb us.

I cried while watching a documentary about theater for peace with a clip on a Buddhist monk who suffered the khmer rouge genocide saying, " The mighty never apologize."

But as one probes deeper, there is the other side of this war too.

While in Switzerland, the Norway shootings took place and it got me deeply questioning about every human's capacity to become an Anders Breivik. This brought me back to a a peace camp sharing last year when Bosnian Imam Vahidin shared his experience of divide first hand during the genocides between Serbs and Croats. After his sharing, it struck me how vulnerable we all are - both oppressor and oppressed to be able to experience such horror. 


One of the artistic outputs I participated  in was a lullaby for a  soldier - to convey that soldiers were once children too and that the cycle of war repeats in children affected by war. After the performance, the class was in tears. After all, we have all experienced different kinds of war before.


Whether political, economic, cultural, or personal, war can really take so much out of you.

But as  it takes so much out of you, you empty a lot and offer up more space for new things to happen.


I know I need to let go of this anger But before I let go I realized I need to honor its place in my life. I need to because I believe it is important to heal before we realize oneness. Oneness movements sometimes fail to recognize that. Its so tempting to say its so easy for the westerners have everything and are finding meaning in developing countries to say we are all one. For many of the global south and the minorities (women, indigenous peoples, etc), we cannot be one if we are hungry, uneducated. We cannot be one if we still have the history of colonization,abuse, manipulation, dis-empowerment, and of being used. Besides, the reason we strive for oneness is because we have lost it or forgotten it.



I remember how healing it was to watch this video ago. It is so healing to know that it is possible for men to apologize and to admit their part in the healing journey to oneness.

It helped me recognize that men were also children once, and that their historical DNA for thousands of years was gear-cut for survival which has led them to make co-creation and oneness impossible in the past.

I may not be ready to face him or forgive him soon but I'd like to learn to respect my former partner for being who he is, for standing for what he believes in for we are all free to be who we are. All I can do is to choose for myself and for my well-being.

I feel a lot better after sharing this. Maybe someday I can embody the beautiful letters of apology to the Sacred Masculine and apology to the Divine Feminine by Jeff Brown.

So it is. It is time to start letting go of this anger for I am no longer growing by keeping it inside. Tomorrow will be a new day. Or at least, I will take it one day at a time.

I remember during a very extreme situation with an ex before, I screamed so loud that the power went out. Electricity would run through my veins when I'm extremely angry. I realized that if I could do something with negative energy, how much more with positive energy, right?

Last week, I was in Sri Lanka, the place where Sita, the wife of Rama in Hindu mythology, was kidnapped by the evil king Ravana. To reclaim his wife Sita, he waged war against Ravana and killed him.

I like to remember this story because it marked this important trailmarker in my life of waging war to reclaim what is precious to me, to reclaim who I really am. This blog is also about waging war with my silence, with my fear of being judged for my authenticity.

I am not ashamed of being angry or being hurt and this gives me courage to go through the fire just as Sita did to prove she was pure to Rama after being captive of Ravana. Fire in many rituals is used for purification as it is the element that can do that.

I am so excited about how my life is shifting now and I know I need to cross over from this and to rise from the ashes like the phoenix. Talking about it has now given me release and I am grateful for the safe space for sharing.

and then silence...

i haven't written anything about my alpine experience.
there's so much to say really...
a million wonderful things inside a melting pot of feelings: bliss, joy, awe, gratitude,

and then when i remember something painful....confusion, doubt, anger...

i spent the last few weeks learning wonderful knowledge about arts for conflict transformation and peacebuilding... a wonderful rare privilege to be part of...

i want to say many things about my learnings, my discoveries, my plans...
but at the same time my higher self is asking me to work on my inner conflict transformation

so right now, im just letting this silence flow... and let the ice around my heart crack open.

inner mountain

My Schengen interview yesterday no longer became too important as while waiting for my name to be called for my turn at the embassy, I chanced upon an slightly older woman who engaged me in a conversation. She turned out to be a person moved by the Babaylan through her inner dance work. I was touched by her presence that affirmed my deep mission of the sacred intention of going to Switzerland.

I believe there are no accidents. No matter how I take two steps backwards because of self-doubt and fear for every step towards manifesting the intention to study arts and conflict transformation, the sacred is always present to gently remind me that I am not alone.

During my ride to the embassy, I recalled my dream last month of the Hawaiian elder who I believed was also Cordilleran and what she said about many of them being in Switzerland. My wonderful new friend Erin who is a Filipina healer and ethnobotanist reminded me that in the Austronesian migration theory, the Hawaiians and Polynesians came through the Philippines prior to their settlement on their present islands. So yes we were once whole.

I shared this dream on my way to the embassy to Nay Angge and Helen, two elders from a peace camp I was part of last year to teach art and document the stories of the elders about peace. Helen, a Swiss Pastor shared that Datu Vic Saway of the Talaandig tribe in Mindanao told her that being in Switzerland was the same as being in Bukidnon - same soil and the same air we breathe.

The Alps and Mount Kitanglad in Bukidnon are the same. 

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I want to share these drawings by two Swiss children Noelle and Louanne the other day. Nay Angge and Helen invited me to interact with their elder Swiss volunteers to the Philippines for a cross-cultural exchange and sharing. The children are from a couple who stayed in the Mountain Province for 3 years to help the community.

Their drawings got me digging through my pile of journals.

Two years ago, I had a dream of a mountain being pointed out on a map. Now that I recall, this mountain could have been sitting out in the middle of the pacific (between the Philippines and Hawaii) with an energy field in the middle. Above is a quick painting of this mountain that I did the morning after.

Last night I chanced upon a dream dictionary which said that a mountain's ascension is masculine energy, intellect and power; while the mountain's descent is feminine energy on intuition and unconscious. Inside the mountain has to do with transformation.


All I could think of with this message was showing up in my life experience now which involves slowly letting go of my connection with someone I deeply care for but someone who is not healthy for me right now.

Perhaps being with men in general is so unhealthy lately.

Before I went home yesterday, I chanced upon my crush for 8 years who has all the great credentials of the "perfect guy." I wanted to engage myself further with a conversation as it was so tempting to share presence with someone spiritual and someone who you know won't-hurt-you-like-the-last-one-did...

...but I realized I need to stay away from men for awhile... maybe for now - maybe forever!

So tonight, I am taking the full moon eclipse as another trail marker on the path to self realization. This time its for self transformation from within by honoring the guidance of the sacred feminine that has always been present and constant ever since.

Swimming Into the Ocean of Abundance

So It Is, I'm a Spiritual Creative on an Integral Life Path.

And the current trailmarker on this path is study a Masters Course in Expressive Arts for Conflict Transformation and Peacebuilding.

It was mid-May this year when I received my official tuition scholarship for my Masters at the European Graduate School in Switzerland.

Its now June and it took me weeks to finally start asking.

I just emerged from weeks of emptying and life path discernment.

Do I really want this?

I mean, I applied for this. My career path is taking shape now and the universe is helping me sift through my gifts and help me see clearly what I really want to do.

But I also wanted to just have a simple life, doing permaculture, farming, experimenting on natural painting materials, and explore spirit singing further. I was tempted to just focus on these dreams while reflecting. I would say these are simple ways of living because it won't require the stress of fundraising and work in conflict affected communities.


But It was my experience in Bacolod with the youth of OK Negros last week that got me thinking twice. Negros, originally known by natives as Buglas, is a province in the Visayas named by the Spanish Colonizers after the dark skinned indigenous peoples the Spanish colonizers). Protect CIAC (Philippine Coalition for the Protection of Children in Armed Conflict) through the colorful energies of Marco Puzon and funding support from OPAPP (Office of the Presidential Adviser on the Peace Process) invited me to teach about mandala making for their life skills training workshop of 50+ youths from around Negros. These young people are learning about children's rights and protection while learning about life skills (career decisions, adolescent reproductive health, among others).

Through artmaking I was able to facilitate important interior life skills - self reflection, emotional literacy and expression, balance, harmony, visioning, and empowerment through symbol making through Mandalas. We also made a mini ojo de dios that we transformed into a personal power amulet necklace armed with their  commitment to learn and protect children in their communities by learning and embodying children's rights written as tassels on the beautiful yarn mandala.

I realized this, working for peace through artmaking is always a passion.I cannot show pictures of the children to protect their identities because of the sensitivity of the nature of their personal background. But if I could show photos of these young people, they show much of my innocent dreamer self when I was 16 when my father encouraged me to apply for a social sciences course instead of a fine arts course for my university applications. Becoming an artist will not give me a career or salary as popular opinion says. I wanted to change the world so I was alright with taking art lessons on the side... but now its time for these two intentions to come together.

After the workshop, I escaped on my own on a 4 hour bus ride to Danjungan Island,  a wonderful marine sanctuary with 5 lagoons and hundreds of species from a white eagle to a bat to a tiny shark. It is only marketed by word of mouth so its not so popular. But boy, a secret place is indeed a magical place. It was wonderful to be with nature and to reflect on the next phase of my life.

It was scary though. There's this love-hate relationship I have with the ocean. Its me and the unknown. Its me sensitive to energies around me in my waking life that I've always been jumpy all my life. So I like living in dreams with deep messages instead for its safer and mostly receptive. Becoming an active participant in my own dream manifestation is like swimming into the ocean further from the shore.

People who venture the unknown often scare me. I am currently reflecting on whether to continue a relationship right now with someone who seems to be just experimenting on how far love can go and somehow I feel he is losing presence on just loving. I'm not much of a risk taker as people think I am. I can dream yes and I let the dream unfold and manifest in miracles and magic. I don't break walls or walk on fire to see if there's something to be revealed. I feel too many lifetimes and present life experiences can attest to already knowing what the outcome is. As teachers say, its time to end the cycle and evolve.

Back at the island, I let myself swim further and touch the caves and rocks beside the island. I asked to be left alone by the guide so I can record a spirit song while on water with the waves lapping on the rocks. Even if I could hear my breath shake with the most familiar tone of fear, I asked the sea... please help me. I don't want to be afraid of you. I want to be one with you.

And with the abundance opened possible windows for future collaborations as I had the luck of sharing a ride with the island's owner/foundation President. It was wonderful to have been able to talk about my life journey and to directly ask him for possible supporters for my fundraiser. That was my first brave step - to ask a wealthy person who can help, face to face.

It wasn't easy taking a step into the unknown. Sometimes it can lead to a dark corner. 

I missed my flight to Manila the next day.  From one abundance of connecting to a philantrophist, I had to pay off my abundance with an expensive lesson by donating the remaining of my workshop honorarium fee to Lucio Tan, the airline tycoon.

Talk about venturing out to the horizon but forgetting my inner compass.

So there I was at the curb of the airport parking lot giving myself a good cry.


How can I be 28 with no secure job and even a credit card? Sometimes I ask myself this when I am challenged with abundance.

The universe is really emptying me so abundance can flow in.

Many times earlier this month when my salary gets delayed from consultancy work as project manager, graphic designer, and module writer with 3 non-profits, my bank account would go zero.

And everytime it goes zero, something good always happens. The latest was a casual merienda meeting with a UNICEF senior executive about my art projects, or an invitation to design an inner ecology module for an environmental non-profit which I've always wanted to do, or an additional donation to a finished project I did 4 months ago.

Abundance is something I am deeply reflecting on right now. Deep in the ocean is a wealth of natural resources and diversity which we cannot see without diving in... without experiencing by swimming.

I was born from a middle class family with the blessings of simple but somehow above average life. My father in his industry and virtue lives a simple life even if he has the top credentials working for international organizations as an environmental consultant. It is only lately that I am grateful for my his humility and practical abundance. He just bought a new townhouse that looked like a simple apartment but when you go inside you can see beautiful furnishings that how it looked up front could have deceived you. Growing up, I would only receive my allowance in exchange for house chores on weekends when the housekeepers were on their days off. When I was a teenager, he would given an ample amount for quality running shoes but if I wanted expensive designer ones, I need to raise the extra funds on my own. He is teaching me so many things that I am only becoming grateful for lately.


Quitting my regular job to become an artist and to do freelance project management was a challenge for my father. I was venturing into the unknown. I didnt know that you need to have more than regular savings while doing this for funds can get delayed as what happened last year that wiped out my savings. So I'm grateful that he was there to help in emergencies even if  I need to pay him back either through some editing or design work for his reports. This encourages me to become more and more independent and to someday give back to him.


My mother on the other hand grew up with affluence from a landed family and is up to now challenged in funds management on her own. But she also teaches me to live for the now and that the universe will bless you because of your faith.

I am not rich but I am wealthy if I harmonize these two poles of abundance. We might not have the luxury of a posh suburban house but my parents own three farms for me and my siblings to inherit... but most of all , the wealth of lessons from independence, virtue, humility, trust and faith.

...and love! My sister asked her boyfriend to donate and he was my first donor. My brother and his fiancee are donating too! My siblings are well-off than I am now and I am grateful for their love. My auntie and cousins are helping out too. This is getting me closer to my family than ever before. 

So I am venturing into the unknown with my savings wiped out from freelance work and limited pay as artist but I am swaddled with an abundance of life lessons.

Am I really worth this?

For the last 8 years I promoted causes for peace, environment, and cultural heritage. But it has not been easy to promote myself. If I have been doing campaigns and communication for development it would have been such a breeze right? But no, I had to go through an emptying process of rediscovering my true worth and value these past few weeks.So that experience in Bacolod helped me see this intention.

Its beautiful how time with the expanse and vastness of the ocean can open up lessons on abundance. Here are important ones I keep as reminder as I officially launch my fundraiser today.


Energy Exchange. I learned energy exchange through reiki practice. It is encouraged to transfer and exchange energies whether through monetary or in kind forms to allow the continuing flow of energy.

Accepting gifts help others share them. This is an important challenge for me to overcome for I am challenged in asking but it allows the flow of energies for others to be able to open their hearts to others.

Asking is about Humility.  My friend Agnes reminded me this as I shared about my struggles with asking for help. It means accepting that we cannot do anything alone. I also believe there are greater forces at work that help push you to the right situations to manifest to your life intention.


Its not all about me. But me as a medium and channel for good. Sometimes I forget this. One thing I learned from singing is that when you sing with effort and conscious of what others think, you can only go on a certain vocal range mostly up to throat level... but when you sing with freedom, you can reach the highest notes with your head tone.

Lastly...

The universe is abundant and only if I vibrate the same energy of my intentions, I will always attract it.

So!

If you deeply resonate with my journey, this human mermaid is inviting you to share blessings and gifts through my fundraiser.Click on the image to start sharing :-)

100 Books Astig Girl Challenge

STRONG & SWEET: ASTIGIRL TWEET SERING & THE CREATIVE LIFE
+ The 100 Book Astigirl Challenge with Sarah Queblatin

My friend Dang Sering, a wonderful graphic design who is also into mandalas and her sister Palanca Awardee writer Tweet Sering are pledging P10,000 for 100 copies of "Astigirl: A Grown Girl Living On Her Own Terms" sold for the Peace Art Actions for a campaign for children calling for the end of armed conflict in this generation.

Tweet  will be talking about her book, creativity, flexing some writing muscles and self-publishing her book.

Please come to Cafe Xocolat, B. Gonzales St., Loyola Heights (Katipunan), Quezon City this June 4, Saturday, at 4:00 pm for a fun mandala-making session as an introduction to my work and maybe learn about yourself through this wonderful artmaking process. 

I won't be personally present during this activity as I am here in Bacolod working with children who are learning about children's rights and are ensuring the prevention of recruitment of children in armed groups. This is for a life-skills workshop through artmaking. I will be sending a video of me and the children here making instructions on the mandala making process. Dang Sering will be co-facilitating from Manila.

Bring some coloring materials (crayons, pencils, etc.) for this funtivity. This will be followed by the talk of Tweet, some Q&A, capped off with really delicious snacks by Cafe Xocolat. This event is FREE and open to the public.

Our heartfelt thanks and warm hugs to the owners and staff of Cafe Xocolat for sponsoring this event. :D

For questions or directions, text or call Dang at (0917) 5337638 / email at cafe_rennais@yahoo.com. :)


To know more about Tweet and why she rocks, check out her website http://dothewritething.ph/Welcome.html and the blog that inspired the book at http://astigirl.blogspot.com/

The proceeds will go to upcoming peace art actions which include the use of seeded paper art and natural dye paints with messages for the GPH (Government of the Philippines) and the NDF (National Democratic Front) in Oslo and a soil painting mural for the GPH and MILF (Moro Islamic Liberation Front) in Jakarta this June.

All these will be done by children and for the children to remind the Peace Panelists to commit to mainstreaming child rights and issues in the Peace Agreement and to inspire and affirm their work for peace by showing their support through various creative participation.

Hope to see you!

RSVP through this link: https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/event.php?eid=221176987900193